This week I have come to a new awareness of my anger. It started early in the week. I had heard from a few close friends about a situation that made me angry. What made me angry was that I had created the interpretation that my friends were being mistreated. I could feel the anger in my body (i.e, increased heart rate, increased body temperature, and thoughts racing). Because of an emotional reaction to an interpretation I made, my body was responding as if I were in danger or as if I were about to fight. If that were not enough, I also started to think about all the times I felt the same injustice. What they term “Adding Fuel to the Fire.” So then I was not only angry about what had happened to my friends but now I was enraged over being treated the same way at some point in the past. Meanwhile, all this anger is creating a lot of uneasiness in my body (i.e., stomach aches, difficulty sleeping) but I continue to focus so much of my energy and attention on it. I was fascinated that I kept talking about it all week to whoever would listen and kept fueling my anger. My fiance repeatedly said ”Why are we talking about this?” Mind you my body was screaming at me to stop focusing on the anger but I did not hear any of these messages. I was not sleeping, I lost my voice, and I accidentally burned myself and had 3 huge boils on my hand. Since I believe that there is no separation between the mind and body other than they have two separate names, I went to my Louise Hay’s Heal Your Body book. I looked up what the meaning of boils were as I had never had them. Boils= Anger, Boiling Over, Seething. Yup, I had boils and I was angry.
So when I sat there putting bandages on my boils, I realized a few things. I stayed angry and fueled my anger all week despite messages telling me that it was not serving me. I kept my anger alive all week because my anger feeds my ego! When I am in a place of anger, I am in a place of judgment and I am better than. The more I talk about the injustice that was done, the more I am saying how much of a better person I am and how I would never do such things. So even though my body was breaking down due to the level of anger I was experiencing, feeding my ego was much more enticing than taking care of my body. Think about it…the more we talk about our anger and get validated for our feelings, we continue to get our egos feed. How does this allow us to live in joy, love, and peace? It doesn’t and it didn’t for me. The more I fed my ego with talk of the interpreted injustices, the more my body broke down.
All in all, we will get angry because we are human beings. As we continue to widen the space between the stimulus and the response and notice the interpretations we give everything, we may find less anger reactions. Nevertheless, even with our anger reactions, we have a choice of how long we stay angry. I have known people and have been one of them who have stayed angry for years about a situation. Who does that serve? You and I have a choice at how long we fuel our anger. We can let our anger Boil Over or we can choose to Let it Go!