A few weeks ago, I was in a yoga class and the teacher stated, “You are constantly creating your life- either consciously or unconsciously.” My first thought was that I used to unconsciously create my life, whereas now, I am consciously creating my life. I believe this shift in my life has to do with my yoga practice. Yoga has taught to become aware of my body sensations, my thoughts and my feelings. Once I became aware, I woke up to my life and what it is what I was creating. For example, for the longest time, I suffered with anxiety and generalized worry. It had a huge impact on my life; I would experience panic and have extreme difficulty relaxing and enjoying life. Once I was aware that I was anxious, then I had the opportunity to create something different. Until there is awareness, we are unconsciously creating our lives. I like to think of it as being asleep. Most of us are asleep to our lives and what it is we are creating.
For me, I didn’t even know that I was anxious. I knew that I felt overwhelmed and wanted to run away. I was working to the point of burn-out and was very unhappy. All I did was complain about being overworked, not having enough time for myself, and not enjoying life. I had gone to 5 years of graduate school to live this life and I was absolutely miserable. I just thought that was who I was and how my life was going to be. I did not know that I could consciously create something different with my life. I was asleep and unconsciously creating an unhappy life. For those of you who know me now it is hard to imagine that this is the way I lived my life. Most people live this way because they don’t know that there can be something different and that they have the opportunity to create their lives.
How do you consciously create your life? You start by waking up to what is going on with you. What is it that you are feeling and thinking? How is that contributing to your life? Thoughts and feelings are not Truths, they are just transitory experiences. A yoga teacher once said that feelings and thoughts are just like gas- they bubble up and then release. We don’t hold onto gas so why do we hold onto our thoughts and feelings? Once I became aware that my worry thoughts were making me miserable, I had the choice to do something with those thoughts. For me, it helped to just be aware, “Oh another worry thought.” So I became the observer of my thoughts, feelings, actions and eventually, my life. I woke up to what I was creating in my life. I was done giving energy to my anxiety and started to focus on what made me happy.
In October 2009, I went to a Baptiste Power Vinyasa bootcamp in Tulum, Mexico. It was my second yoga retreat with Baron Baptiste. It was there that I really woke up to my life. I remember walking on the beach during a walking meditation and I saw how my life could be. I saw that I lived close to the ocean, I had a family, and I owned a yoga studio. I felt a calm sense of peace wash over my whole body during that meditation. The funny thing was that my life in Washington, D.C. was completely different to the vision I had in Mexico. When I got back home, I eventually told my then boyfriend (now husband) what it was I envisioned when I was in Mexico. To my surprise, he was on-board with making this vision a reality. I was the one in fear, doubt, and disbelief. Again, the worry thoughts and the thoughts about not being good enough were trying to create my life. Awareness and observing those thoughts have allowed me to stay on the path of creating what it is I want.
Yesterday I was frolicking in the Atlantic Ocean (which is a 7 minute walk from my home) with my husband and my dog. I can not remember my last panic attack. When fear, doubt, and disbelief emerge (and they still do), I notice that they are just feelings and thoughts, nothing more, nothing less. My husband and I are in lease negotiations for our yoga studio space. When I was standing on the beach yesterday, I realized that the vision I had in Mexico in October 2009 has become my reality in September 2012. There have been and remain to be challenges on this road to creating my life. However, that will in no way stop me from creating the life that I want to live. I know that I am being supported by Spirit and that abundance is available to all of us.
Notice and Observe the Fear, Doubt & Disbelief, Believe You Are Being Supported, Take Action, and Be in Conscious Creation of Your Life!